In every young childs life, we make a promise. To that special someone. Not a crush. But someone we call close. We call it “best friends”. Some say it lasts forever. ‘BFF’ for short. But sometimes, that promise doesnt last “forever”.
Ive believed it. In fact, I still do. But it doesnt seem to be working too well for me..
We were supposed to go to middle school together. Grow up together. Become even closer than we are now. But on that first day of sixth grade.. we werent by each others sides. Instead we were 5 miles apart. I know. Not that far. But it felt like opposite worlds to me. I started off shy, sitting in the corner of the room, silent, not wanting to be anywhere in sight. But as for you, you were spontanious. You didnt care how you acted, what you said, what you looked like, and you made friends within miliseconds. Even the first real boyfriend just a few months later. Ive always loved that about you, more like, have always been jealous.
Im the quiet, goodie-goodie, fruit cake one. While your, the spontanious, free loving, free willing, amazing girl that everyone knows and loves. Even though I was older than you, you seemed to grow 5 years faster than me. First kiss, first boose party, first game of truth or dare. While I, sitting at home, watching reruns of a show that was never popular, had a slow growing depression.
All though we spent time over the weekends, riding bikes to friends houses, sleepovers, long, deep talks in the middle of the night, and just creating memories, my depression still stayed. But slowly grew as soon as I walked out that front door back to hell where I have to call home. I considered your home, mine. You welcomed me so well. I feel free. You gave me joy. A reason to stay here. On Earth.
You introduced me to your new friends as your “best friend”. You dont know how happy you made me. We all hung out at your parties, that I considered to be the coolest ever. Thats where I got my first real boyfriend, in fact, first love. And even gave me some new friends. But none could compare to you. Those were memories that I will NEVER forget.
But as years went on, it got harder. You went on more vacations and left me behind to do nothing over summers, breaks, even weekends. I tried so hard to make every performance. Just to see you. To have one good laugh before going back to reality. As it got harder, my depression grew. And grew. And grew. I almost left this planet. I should’ve. But you still kept me here. I cut, I cried, I took therapy, and I cried some more. But everything you did, just one little text, made me change my mind. Change everything.
Its 8th grade now, almost time for high school. You told me you might go to the same High school. You set my hopes way too high for them to fall and shatter. But they still. shattered. You said “we’ll never forget each other.” But its just getting too hard to hang on from a tiny twig thats on its last crack before I fall into the pit. I dont want it to crack. I want to stay. I want you to save me, pull me up, and never let me fall again.
You helped me get my first this year. In fact, quite a plenty of them. I felt, up to your level, not younger than you anymore. Until randoms things you did you just bring me down. I would get annoyed, frustrated, ready to explode. Is this the true sign of us growing apart? Please tell me its not. Until you even admited we were separating I didnt believe it. Or at least, I refused to.
All Im saying is that, Ive always looked up to you. You helped blossom into the girl I am today. But this flower isnt done. It still needs to grow. But without the bee. The flower will go back to wilting. Where no one will bother to care about the flower besides picking off its pedels one by one, slowly, and then finally, tearing it out from its roots and sucking out all the life left inside of that flower., before it finally surrenders.
In every young childs life. We make a promise. To a special someone. Not a crush. But someone we call close. We call it “best friends”. Some say it lasts forever. ‘BFF’ for short. But sometimes, the promise doesnt always last “forever”.
